


so my darling, i’ll succumb

by parametre



Series: so i can crumble at your side [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medical, Career Ending Injuries, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 06:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6645373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parametre/pseuds/parametre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You are so far in denial,” Hajime says, “that, or you’re even more dumb than I thought you were.” He takes a sip of his beer. “Which wouldn’t surprise me, really.” </p><p>As Mattsun and Makki collapse into each other with the force of their laughter, Tooru wonders again what it would be like to have friends that didn’t insult him all the time. Maybe Ushijima was right, he thinks a little hysterically, maybe he really should have gone to Shiratorizawa.</p><p>--</p><p>Oikawa and Kageyama meet again, years later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	so my darling, i’ll succumb

**Author's Note:**

> i have a dissertation to write and finals to be revising for. instead, i wrote this.

Her name is Mizuno Hana. 

 

Hajime meets her at college, when the barista at the campus coffee shop accidentally switches their orders. It’s the type of meet-cute scenario you get in romcoms, and it sets the precedent for their relationship. Hana’s kind and funny, stubborn enough to keep up with Hajime, and smart enough to get along with all his friends. She’s pretty, too: long black hair, big brown eyes, and a warm smile. She likes to pull her hair back into messy low ponytails, and Hajime likes to tuck in the strands that escape behind her ears with gentle hands, far gentler than they’ve ever been with Tooru.

 

She’s the sort of effortless beauty that Tooru has always wished he could be, and Tooru’s not surprised when, two months after graduating, Hajime phones him to tell him he’s going to propose to her. Tooru congratulates him, automatic, then surprised as he finds he means it. 

 

“ _She’s too good for you_ ,” he jokes. 

 

“ _I know_ ,” Hajime grumbles. 

 

Tooru laughs, but it stings, because Hajime isn’t joking. 

 

It’s fine, he tells himself, after he hangs up. He knew this was going to happen from the beginning. 

 

It’s fine.  

 

**

 

In Tobio’s dreams, he still plays volleyball. 

 

He’s on the court, practicing quicks with Shouyou. The ball is a comforting weight in his palms, and the squeak of Shouyou’s trainers against the gymnasium floor as he jumps is familiar. He lines up a toss, quietly confident in a way he’s only ever felt with Shouyou, firm in his knowledge that the toss will connect, that Shouyou will be there. 

 

The satisfying thud of the ball hitting the other side of the court echoes through the gym moments later. 

 

The first years gasp, and Shouyou preens under their attention, beaming. Tsukishima and Tobio share a long-suffering look, while Yamaguchi laughs, ever the steady captain. Yachi is just off-court with the second years, chatting to Ukai and Takeda. Tobio lets the hum of activity wash over him, taking a moment before he slaps the back of Shouyou’s head with a, _“Let’s get back to practice, dumbass!”_

 

But sometimes, his dreams go like this: 

 

They’re at Nationals. It’s a set point, and it’s his serve. “ _Finish this,_ ” Shouyou says in that quiet commanding way of his, eyes flashing. The team look calm, confident in the knowledge that they haven’t been “flightless crows” for a long time, and Tobio nods, invincible with their support.

 

He jumps. 

 

But he reaches too far, and then he’s falling, crying out as pain sears through his shoulder. The gymnasium falls silent. His teammates are with him immediately, and their lips are moving but Tobio can’t hear a word they’re saying over the white noise in his head. It’s the gentle touch of Yachi’s hand on his back that pulls him out of his panic, and he shakily passes the ball to their second year setter. “ _You’ll be okay_ ,” he says, and he isn’t sure who he’s saying it to. 

 

It’s a lie: Karasuno loses the match, and, hours later, in a hospital room, Tobio’s world comes crashing down around him. 

 

**

 

Most days, Tooru loves his job. 

 

When his knee had given out in his first year of college, Tooru had been inconsolable. “ _Overwork and strain_ ,” the doctors had said, “ _even with PT you’ll never regain full use of your knee._ ” 

 

Life without volleyball had been an adjustment, and Tooru had buried himself in his work to avoid facing the reality of never stepping on a court again. Time spent practicing had turned into time spent studying, and while his grades had been good before, now they were great, and he was suddenly consistently top of his class. 

 

But still, he only had so much work, and more often than not, he found himself staring at the walls of his apartment, with nothing to do when previously he might have gone out for a run. It had been his therapist who had suggested he try volunteering at the hospital, first only at the weekends, and then on weeknights too as he discovered that his leadership and compassion had uses outside of the court. Slowly, volleyball became a distant memory, and Tooru found himself enjoying his time at the hospital more and more, until he finally transferred over to the sports medicine department at his college at the beginning of his second year. From then on out, he had found a new focus for his talents, and the tearful smiles his patients would give him at the end of their treatment acted as a soothing balm for old wounds. 

 

So, yes, Tooru loves his job. 

 

Correction: loved his job. 

 

The first time he sees Tobio, he thinks he’s imagining it. The elevator has stopped at the paeds floor, and Tooru catches a glimpse of familiar black hair and blue eyes before the doors close. 

 

“Impossible,” he mutters to himself as he heads to his ten o’clock appointment, “impossible, impossible, _impossible_.” 

 

He’s at lunch when he overhears a group of nurses gushing about the new paediatrics resident. “Kageyama-sensei is a little awkward, but it’s kind of cute,” one of them says, giggling. Then, when they bump into each other at the end of the day, Kojima-sensei from obstetrics tells him about the fresh-faced new doctor from Miyagi. 

 

 _No_ , Tooru thinks, because if he’s anything, he’s stubborn. _There’s no way_. 

 

“Ignoring a problem isn’t going to make it go away,” Hajime tells him when they meet for dinner later that week, ignoring his indignant _Iwa-chan!_

 

And of course, because the odds are never in Tooru’s favour and because _Hajime totally jinxed him_ , he walks into his latest paeds consult to find none other than Kageyama Tobio waiting for him with their patient. 

 

**

 

“I don’t understand,” Shouyou says, voice tinny through Tobio’s laptop speakers, “what’s the Grand King doing at your hospital?” 

 

“ _Oikawa-san_ ,” Tobio says pointedly, “works there as a therapist.” He clutches at his hair in despair. “This is a disaster. Is it too late for me to take the offer back in Miyagi?” 

 

Shouyou laughs, and even from hundreds of miles away, the sound makes Tobio feel a little lighter. “Don’t be a Bakageyama. It’ll be fine, it’s been almost ten years.” He pauses and looks thoughtful. “Anyway, this is work. The Grand King was always so serious about volleyball, I’m sure he’s the same with work too.” 

 

“Ugh, whatever,” Tobio grumbles, grudgingly wondering when Hinata _Dumbass!_ Shouyou started making so much sense. He cracks open a can of beer and settles himself back into his couch. “How’s Brazil?” 

 

Shouyou gives him a knowing look, but lets it go, launching into an animated story about Ushijima and Bokuto’s latest spiking competition. Tobio hides his smile behind his beer and lets the sound of Shouyou’s chatter wash over him, warm and familiar. 

 

**

 

Tooru’s been doing pretty well with ignoring Tobio’s general existence, only acknowledging the other man on their cases together. He’s a professional, after all. 

 

Of course, that doesn’t mean he hasn’t noticed his old kouhai: the years have been good to Tobio. He’s filled out, no trace left of the awkward teenager he used to be, and he moves with a quiet confidence that is, frankly, quite attractive. He’s got the face and stature for magazines, all sharp cheekbones and long eyelashes, with a boyish smile that he’s only directed at their patients so far. Tooru feels the familiar stirrings of _something_ whenever they’re together, but he writes it off as irritation: Tobio’s always managed to draw out the worst in him. 

 

“So, Oikawa-san, is there a reason you don’t like Kageyama-sensei so much?” Manami, one of the more level-headed paeds nurses, asks him one day in a seemingly casual tone. Tooru would go as far as describing her as a friend though, so he knows better, fixing her with a heavy stare instead. She breaks into a grin eerily reminiscent of Makki’s. “Are you jealous he’s stealing your fan club away?” 

 

“What? _No_.” He sniffs. “Tobio-chan’s a brute, and I’m clearly better looking and more charming than he is. My fan club should know better.” 

 

Manami hums knowingly, and not for the first time, Tooru wishes he had friends who were actually nice to him. “Well, he doesn’t seem so bad to me. You should give him a chance, I think he’ll surprise you.” 

 

Tooru huffs a derisive laugh. _Not likely_ , he thinks to himself. 

 

**

 

Amemiya Ren is seventeen, the ace of his high school’s volleyball team, and scheduled for knee surgery in two days. When Tobio is first assigned to his case, he almost passes it off onto one of the other residents before he decides against it, resigning himself to his fate and studying the boy’s charts with a sigh. 

 

Later, when faced with the dark glare the boy is levelling at him, he questions his decision-making skills, and wonders if maybe he really should have passed it on to Ishikawa-sensei, the second year paediatrics resident who’s always so eager to show off his skills. 

 

“Amemiya-kun,” he says instead, because he’s an adult with a sense of responsibility, no matter what his mother says when she phones him every week, “surgery really is the best option for you.” 

 

“No.” Amemiya’s glare only darkens, and Tobio absently notes that Amemiya would have probably given him a run for his money in his younger days. “I’m not doing it. Prelims are next month, I can’t afford to stop playing.” 

 

“Ren, this isn’t up for discussion,” his mother says, face pinched with worry. She turns to Tobio, “he’ll have the surgery, sensei.” 

 

“ _Mother–_ “

 

“–No,” she cuts in firmly, “Enough is enough, volleyball is just a game. The only reason you need surgery is because you’ve been practicing too much!” 

 

“My team needs me,” Amemiya bites out, pale and shaking, “I can’t let them down. A-and it’s not just a game. It’s– it’s–“ 

 

“–it’s everything, right?” Tobio finishes. He sets the boy’s charts down with a sigh. “Look, Amemiya-kun, I understand how you feel, I really do. But you need this surgery, before the damage becomes too much. You’re a second year, you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Don’t let your volleyball career end here, before it even really begins. With the surgery and PT, you’ll be back on the court again in no time.” 

 

“But my team needs me _now_. It’s the third years’ last chance to go to Nationals, and I don’t want to ruin this for them.” Amemiya’s eyes are bright with tears, and Tobio is struck by how hopelessly young the boy is. 

 

He thinks back to his old team: Shouyou, with his relentless passion and unwavering confidence; Tsukishima, sharp and abrasive, but fiercely loyal; Yamaguchi, with his quiet strength and steady presence. By their third year at Karasuno, they had become good friends, had stayed friends even after Tobio’s accident.

 

“Do you think your team would want you to hurt yourself like this? To ruin your chances of playing?” Tobio’s shoulder aches. “Trust your teammates. Do you think they would lose so easily?” 

 

“ _No_ , of course not.” Amemiya stares down at his hands, before lifting his gaze to meet Tobio’s, eyes searching and troubled. His voice is small when he speaks. “I just– what if they don’t need me?” 

 

Tobio smiles wryly. 

 

“Like I said, have a little faith in your team.”

 

** 

 

When Tooru walks out of the toilet, the last person he expects to bump into is Karasuno’s #10. 

 

“Chibi-chan,” he says, surprised. Hinata’s grown since his first year of high school, but he’s still small for a volleyball player, though he’s consistently proven that he’s not _too_ small with his performance on the national team. He looks good, a little tan from wherever he’s just been, and the fit of his t-shirt hints at how well-defined his muscles are underneath. His eyes are still the same though, piercing and bright, and for a moment, Tooru feels like he’s eighteen again, and about to step onto the court. “What are you doing here?” 

 

“Grand King!” Hinata exclaims, “it’s been a long time!” 

 

“Ah, yes,” Tooru replies, a little dumbly. He glances at the sign for the toilet and then back at Hinata, feeling a grin pull at his lips. “We have to stop meeting like this, you know.” 

 

Hinata laughs. “Some things never change.” His phone buzzes in his hand, and Hinata rolls his eyes at the message. “Do you know where I might find Kageyama?” 

 

Tooru feels a prickle of discomfort at the mention of the other man, but forces it down. He looks at his watch, and says, “he’s probably in the cafeteria for lunch. I’m going there now myself if you need help finding the way.” 

 

“Oh, great!” Hinata beams, typing out a quick reply before pocketing his phone. “How have you been, then?” 

 

The walk to the cafeteria is pleasant, Hinata chattering away with no trace of the animosity they shared in high school. Tooru finds himself drawn in easily, and it’s a surprise when they reach the cafeteria and have to cut their conversation short. 

 

“Ah, there he is,” Hinata says, gesturing over at one of the tables. Tobio is hunched over a journal of some sort, but he looks up at the sound of Hinata’s voice, like a moth drawn to the light. _Oh,_ Tooru thinks, staring at the look of fond exasperation on the other man’s face, _so that’s how it is_. 

 

“You’re welcome to join us, Grand King,” Hinata offers, looking up at him in askance. 

 

Tooru smiles and shakes his head. “No, it’s fine.” He nods his head a few tables over, where Manami is waiting for him. “I already have lunch plans.” 

 

“Okay then,” Hinata replies easily, “it was nice seeing you again.” 

 

“Yes, it was,” Tooru says, surprised to find he means it. He wanders over to Manami, watching the other two men out of the corner of his eye. They share a quick hug, but it looks familiar and intimate, and nothing like something Tobio would have allowed in high school. Tooru finds himself wondering exactly how else Tobio has changed since high school, but he cuts that train of thought short immediately, turning back to Manami to find her giving him a knowing look. 

 

“What,” he bites out, tearing into the sandwich she’s bought for him. 

 

“Nothing,” she replies, tearing into her own sandwich, “nothing at all.” 

 

** 

 

“What the _fuck_ , Shouyou?” Tobio hisses as they pull apart, “what were you doing with Oikawa-san? Also, you’re late.” 

 

Shouyou rolls his eyes and collapses into the seat opposite. “He just showed me the way here, that’s all.” He breaks off a piece of Tobio’s chocolate cake, diet plan be damned, and kicks lightly at the other man’s shins. “There was traffic, and I had to pick up Hitoka’s dry cleaning first.” 

 

Tobio frowns and pulls his plate closer to himself. Shouyou pulls a face and kicks at him again until he pushes the plate forward again with a defeated sigh.

 

“How was Brazil?” 

 

“Sunny,” Shouyou replies around another bite of cake. “Bokuto-senpai almost got arrested for trying to smuggle coca leaves, because he thought he could make chocolate from them. I thought Akaashi-san was going to kill him when we got home, but I think he was just relieved that we were okay.” 

 

Tobio laughs, and Shouyou feels an answering smile pull at his lips. It’s strange now to think that there had been a time when they weren’t friends, when hearing Tobio laugh wasn’t commonplace. 

 

“How’s Yachi? She seemed busy when I spoke to her last week.” 

 

“She is,” Shouyou agrees, “her firm just won a huge bid, it looks like she’ll be busy for the next few days.” He breaks into a grin, “which means I have even more time to spend with you!” 

 

“Oh, great,” Tobio deadpans, but Shouyou can see the pleased tilt to his lips. “Tsukishima called, I think Yamaguchi and him are coming down this weekend. They’re looking at some houses in Yoyogi, but they can meet us for dinner on Saturday.” 

 

“Perfect! Hitoka should be done by then too.” Shouyou glances around before leaning in. “So, uh, speaking of big expenses…” He pulls out the velvet box in his pocket and places it on the table. 

 

Tobio stares at it for a moment, before breaking into a smile. “It’s about time.” He reaches for the box. “Can I?” Shouyou nods, and watches as Tobio opens it with delicate fingers – s _etter’s fingers_ , a part of his brain supplies– and he studies it carefully, a soft wistful look in his eyes. “It’s beautiful,” he says, and Shouyou grins, embarrassedly. It’s nothing fancy, just a simple silver band with a single diamond set in the centre, but he knew it was exactly what Hitoka would want as soon as he laid eyes on it. 

 

“I’m going to give it to her next month, on our anniversary. There’s a matching one for me too, if she says yes.” 

 

“She’ll love it,” Tobio says, gently closing the box and passing it back to Shouyou. “And you know she’ll say yes, dumbass.” He nods, pocketing the box again, feeling a little rush as his fingers brush against the velvet. 

 

“Enough about me, how are you?” 

 

“I’m fine,” Tobio says, and Shouyou hides a smile as his eyes dart to Oikawa and then back again. “Just great.” 

 

“Right,” Shouyou quips, “Not thinking about the Grand King at all.” 

 

He laughs at Tobio’s answering scowl. 

 

** 

 

“So, you and Chibi-chan are still pretty close, huh?” Oikawa tells him later that day, when they’re both at the nurses’ station picking up some charts. 

 

Tobio jerks his head up, and stares blankly at him for a moment. It’s the first time they’ve spoken outside of their cases together. 

 

“Uh, yeah,” he replies finally. _Great job, Tobio_ , he thinks to himself, crossly, _way to showcase your social skills_. “What about you? Are you still friends with Iwaizumi-san?” 

 

The smile on Oikawa’s face turns a little fractured. “Yes, Iwa-chan and I are friends.” He sets down his charts with a little thud, and when he next looks at Tobio, his expression is closed off again. “We’ll always be friends.” 

 

He leaves then, and Tobio stares after him, wondering how he manages to mess up every single interaction he has with Oikawa. 

 

** 

 

Ishikawa Hiro is a second year paediatric resident, and prior to Tobio’s arrival, Tooru had been fairly indifferent towards the doctor. He had a reputation among the nurses for being bigheaded and arrogant, but Tooru had thought nothing of it, keeping their periods of contact brief and impersonal. 

 

Now, however, was a different story. 

 

“Kageyama-sensei, I watched your surgery this morning,” Ishikawa says, sidling over to Tobio and leaning into the younger doctor’s space. “Your technique was impressive, almost as good as mine!”  

 

Tobio smiles politely, and steps away slightly. Tooru notes smugly that it brings him closer into his space, watching the interaction out of the corner of his eye, and noticing the slightly tense set to the other man’s shoulders. “Ah, thank you, Ishikawa-sensei.” 

 

“You should join me in the OR for one of my surgeries.” Ishikawa leans in again, and the leer on his face is unmistakable. “I’m sure I could show you a few things.” 

 

Tooru’s had enough. He slams his palm down onto the surface of the nurses’ station. “Tobio-chan,” he says brightly, turning to the other man, “do you have a spare moment to talk about Asou-kun in room 16?” 

 

Tobio’s relief is palpable. “Yes, of course, Oikawa-san.” 

 

“How about over a coffee? You look like you could use some.” 

 

Tobio nods, the tips of his ears a faint pink. Tooru feels a swell of affection, but before he can think too much of it, Ishikawa is stepping in. 

 

“Hey, we were in the middle of a conversation,” he protests. Tooru lets his anger show on his face for just a moment, and he knows it works when the other man takes a faltering step back. 

 

“Oh, sorry, Isshi-chan. I’m sure you can talk later.” _Not if I have anything to do with it_ , he thinks darkly. He smiles sunnily and gently leads Tobio away with a palm on the small of his back. “See you later, Isshi-chan.” 

 

They’ve walked for a few metres before Tooru lets his palm fall away.

 

“Thanks, Oikawa-san,” Tobio says softly, a blush high on his cheeks. It suits him, Tooru thinks absently. 

 

“No problem, Tobio-chan.” 

 

**

 

Three hours later, and Tobio’s face still feels flushed. If he concentrates, he can almost feel the pleasant warmth of Oikawa’s hand on the small of his back, steadying and unnerving at the same time, a perfect weight like it was made to be there. 

 

Tobio might have a problem. 

 

 _i think i have a problem_ , he texts Shouyou in between patients.

 

_??? wat_

 

_i think i have a crush on oikawa-san._

 

 _well yh. u couldnt stop looking @ him when i met u 4 lunch_. 

 

Not the for the first time, Tobio despairs at Shouyou’s texting style. 

 

_maybe it really isn’t too late to transfer back to miyagi._

 

_nOo then ill have 2 deal w natsu’s weird crush on u and also who wud i go drinking wit_

 

_you’re a terrible best friend._

 

** 

 

Tooru finds his gaze drifting over to Tobio more often afterwards, unbidden, like some invisible force is puling him towards the other man. A small part of him is irritated by it, but he’s mostly distracted by all the new details he starts to notice about his old kouhai. 

 

There’s a little cowlick of hair in his fringe that consistently refuses to be tamed, and Tooru has to hide his smile every time he catches Tobio grumbling and trying to smooth it into place. Sometimes, at the end of a long shift, Tobio will pin his fringe back with hair clips on loan from his patients, or he’ll ask one them to tie his fringe into a little ponytail. It’s cute, watching him lean over as a little girl gathers his hair up with a bobble tie, small face scrunched up in concentration. 

 

Tobio always has a collection of sweets and trinkets in his pockets, which means that every time he steps into the ward, he’s surrounded by a crowd of young children. He’s good with them too, listens to their stories solemnly, and elicits raucous laughter with his anecdotes. He’s considerate with the older children, addressing them rather than their parents, and gaining their respect for it. He’s polite and deferential with the nurses, if a little awkward at times, but somehow Tooru finds that endearing too. 

 

It’s humbling, to see how much his kouhai has grown. That’s all it is. 

 

“You are so far in denial,” Hajime says when he tells him as much, “that, or you’re even more dumb than I thought you were.” He takes a sip of his beer. “Which wouldn’t surprise me, really.” 

 

“No, no,” Mattsun pipes up, “you’re so deep in denial, you might as well be in Egypt!” 

 

As Mattsun and Makki collapse into each other with the force of their laughter, Tooru wonders _again_ what it would be like to have friends that didn’t insult him all the time. Maybe Ushijima was right, he thinks a little hysterically, maybe he really should have gone to Shiratorizawa. 

 

**

 

Amemiya has his first PT session two weeks after his surgery. He’s had a steady stream of visitors since being admitted, as Tobio had predicted, both friends and family. His teammates are cheerful and loud, but respectful, willing to play with some of the younger children in the ward when they notice the curious stares they garner. Amemiya himself has mellowed out a lot since their first meeting, and it’s not uncommon for Tobio to spend some time at the end of every day chatting to the boy. 

 

So he’s surprised, when he walks into the room with Oikawa on Saturday morning to find Amemiya looking drawn and worried. 

 

“Morning,” he says, giving his chart a quick once-over “how are you feeling?” 

 

Amemiya smiles weakly. “I’ve been worse.” Tobio nods sympathetically: they’ve been weaning him off the stronger painkillers, and he knows from experience how exhausting the dull pain can be. 

 

“This is Oikawa, one of the physiotherapists. He’ll be working with you for the next few weeks to get you in shape for Nationals.” Tobio avoids looking at Oikawa at the mention of Nationals. It’s been years since Aoba Jousai’s defeat at Karasuno’s hands, but he remembers how devastated Oikawa had been.

 

“Right,” Oikawa says, after a moment, “it’ll be tough to begin with, but if you stick through it, it’ll be like you were never injured in the first place.” 

 

Amemiya nods, but he still looks nervous. Tobio frowns and follows his gaze to the calendar, where the date is circled in red, and then remembers. 

 

“Is today the first day of prelims?” 

 

“Yeah, Kazuki’s been texting me all morning,” Amemiya replies, gesturing to his phone by the bed, “we play in the afternoon.” He pauses, and then adds, with a small wry smile, “I know what you said sensei, but I still wish I could be there.” 

 

“Of course,” Tobio says softly, “it’s only natural to want to support your team.” 

 

“Kageyama-sensei and I both used to play volleyball,” Oikawa says suddenly, and Amemiya shifts his gaze to him, nodding cautiously because Tobio has already told him about his accident, “So we both know what you feel like. You might not be on the court right now, but that doesn’t mean you’re not part of the team. All you can do is place your trust in them, and do your best at our sessions. Believe that they’ll make it to Nationals, and that when they do, they’ll need you right there with them on the court.”

 

Amemiya nods, and then smiles. “You know, Kageyama-sensei said the same thing to me to make me agree to the surgery,” he explains. 

 

“Oh, is that right?” Oikawa says faintly, turning to Tobio, and his expression is unreadable. Tobio looks away quickly, focusing his attention on Amemiya. 

 

He feels the heavy weight of Oikawa’s gaze for the rest of the session, and wonders what it means. 

 

** 

 

Tooru spends the rest of his day in a daze, caught up in the knowledge that Tobio really has changed, and that somewhere between high school and now, he’s turned into exactly the sort of person Tooru could fall for. 

 

When he leaves work, he goes straight to Hajime’s, leaving his car in the parking lot and deciding to take the metro instead. It’s Hana who answers the door, hair pulled back into one of her low ponytails, and seeing her is like being doused with cold water. 

 

“Tooru-kun!” she greets with a sunny smile, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and Tooru wants so badly to hate her, but he just can’t. 

 

“Hi, Hana-chan. Is Iwa-chan home?” 

 

“Ah, he just came home,” she says, stepping back to let him in. “I’m just heading to the konbini, do you mind  keeping an eye on the stove?” 

 

“Sure,” Tooru agrees, watching as she pulls her coat on. She beams and leaves after shouting a quick goodbye to Hajime, and something in Tooru aches with longing at the easy affection they have. 

 

“What are you doing here?” Hajime asks when he comes out of the bedroom. Normally, Tooru would raise a fuss at his brusque tone, but today, he can only smile weakly. Hajime’s gaze softens, and he gestures for Tooru to sit, going over to the fridge and grabbing two cans of beer before joining him. “What’s wrong?” 

 

“You were right, Iwa-chan,” Tooru says, and he hates that his voice is already thick with tears, “I do like him.” 

 

Hajime nods. “So what’s the problem?” 

 

“He’s dating Chibi-chan,” Tooru wails, tears streaking down his face. God, he probably looks hideous. 

 

“Are you sure?” Hajime asks, frowning. Tooru nods, sobbing now, and it’s with practiced hands that Hajime gathers him into a hug. 

 

“Why do I always want things that I can’t have?” he mumbles into Hajime’s shoulder, and Hajime’s hold around tightens for a moment before relaxing again. They don’t talk about this, don’t talk about how hopelessly in love with Hajime Tooru had been, and how Hajime had tried, tried so hard, but as much as he loved Tooru, he couldn’t be _in_ love with him. “You should see the way he looks at him,” Tooru whispers, and he feels _awful_ , “it’s not fair.” 

 

“I’m so sorry, Tooru,” Hajime murmurs, and it’s not enough, it’ll never be enough, but Tooru takes it anyway, because at least it’s something. 

 

They stay wrapped up in each other until they hear the click of the front door, pulling apart at the sound of Hana’s greeting. She’s kind enough not to mention Tooru’s swollen eyes, and simply offers him a milk-bread she bought at the store for him, and later, when he’s curled up between the two of them, watching Alien, Tooru thinks he can understand why Hajime loves her so much. 

 

**

 

Oikawa has been acting strange lately. 

 

Tobio doesn’t think much of it at first: when Oikawa can’t make it to lunch, it’s because he’s busy; when Oikawa refuses an invitation for a coffee, it’s because he’s not feeling well. But when he sees Oikawa in the cafeteria, surrounded by a group of giggling nurses, even though he told Tobio he couldn’t make it because of a meeting, Tobio realises he’s being avoided. 

 

“He must have realised I like him,” Tobio tells Shouyou over the phone that evening. Shouyou makes a soft hurt noise on his behalf, and Tobio finds himself smiling sadly. 

 

“Do you want to come over?” Shouyou asks, sounding worried. 

 

“No, it’s fine,” he replies, “tonight’s date night, right?” 

 

“Yes, but Hitoka will understand! You know we love having you over!”

 

Tobio shakes his head: he doesn’t think he could stand being at Shouyou’s right now, where almost every surface is covered with evidence of his relationship with Yachi, from the mixed collection of shoes at the door to the photographs lining the walls, chronicling their time together since high school. 

 

“No, it’s fine,” he says, remembering that Shouyou can’t see him, “Thank you, though.” 

 

He picks up a ready meal from the konbini on his way home, collapsing on his sofa as soon as he gets his coat off. He stares at the blank screen of his television for a long time, only looking away when his phone lights up with a message from his mother. 

 

** 

 

The paeds ward is abuzz with activity when Tooru walks in for a consult. 

 

“What happened?” he asks Manami, and the look she shoots him is sobering. 

 

“Remember Asami-chan in room 6?” He nods slowly: she was a cheerful little girl with a heart condition that Tooru didn’t know the details of, but he knew she was scheduled for surgery. She also happened to be one of the patients who was especially close with Tobio, and he had seen the two of them together several times, Tobio letting her paint his nails on one memorable occasion. “She collapsed this morning. Nakahara-sensei was supposed to carry out her surgery, but he was already busy with another patient. Kageyama-sensei was the only doctor on-call.” 

 

“What?” Tooru feels numb. 

 

“It doesn’t look good,” Manami says, looking unhappy, “the surgery had poor odds to begin with, and there were complications because she collapsed.” 

 

Tooru stares helplessly at the chart in his hand. He’s been avoiding Tobio for the past two weeks. He’s not foolish, he’s seen the hurt looks that Tobio has been shooting him, but he’s ignored them, trying to distance himself from the other man. But he knows Tobio, loves him even, and he knows that this will break him. 

 

“Can you reschedule my consult?” Tooru feels a strange sense of calm settle over him. “I need to be with him.” 

 

** 

 

Tobio’s hands feel cold. 

 

Nakahara-sensei said he had done everything right, but it still hadn’t been enough. 

 

He stares out at the city, pulls his knees closer to his chest, shivering slightly. He has to call Asami’s mother, she’ll be on her way over from work now. 

 

He hears someone open the door, and stays quiet, hoping they won’t notice him. But then there are soft footsteps towards him, and then something warm is draped over his shoulders. A blanket from the one of the on-call rooms his mind supplies, hands automatically moving to adjust it. He looks up, and then stops. 

 

“What do you want, Oikawa-san?” he asks tiredly. “You’ve been avoiding me all this time, can you leave me alone now too, please?” 

 

Oikawa looks appropriately chastised, but he still shakes his head and sits down next to him. “I can’t,” he says quietly, and something in Tobio breaks at the sounds of his voice. 

 

“I couldn’t save her,” he sobs, and then Oikawa is hugging him, tucking his face into his shoulder. 

 

“I’m so sorry, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa murmurs, running his fingers through Tobio’s hair. “I’m so sorry.” 

 

Tobio clutches at his shirt and just sobs harder. 

 

** 

 

Tooru spots a familiar head of orange hair when he leaves work a few days later, and his feet move towards Hinata automatically. 

 

“Oikawa-san,” Hinata says neutrally, and there’s something cold and hard in his gaze that makes him seem almost otherworldly. 

 

“I think that’s the first time you’ve called me by my name,” Tooru replies, and Hinata hums in reply. “Are you here to see Tobio?” 

 

At this, a ghost of a smile makes its way onto Hinata’s face. “Yes,” he murmurs, and holds up his left hand. There’s a solid silver band on his ring finger. “She said yes.” 

 

Tooru’s mind screeches to a halt. 

 

“Wait, what?” he says finally. 

 

Hinata looks unimpressed. “My girlfriend. You might remember her, she was one of our managers. I proposed to her last night, and she said yes.” 

 

Tooru blinks. “But I thought you were dating Tobio,” he says, a little stupidly. 

 

“What?” If Hinata looked unimpressed before, now he looks deeply unimpressed. “No, I’m not. Anyway, Tobio likes you, that’s why you’re ignoring him, right?” 

 

“What?” Tooru needs to sit down. “He likes me?” 

 

“Wait, you didn’t know? So why were you ignoring him?” Hinata demands, and then his expression clears. “Oh my god. You thought we were dating. You like him too!” 

 

Tooru flushes, but nods. 

 

“Oh my god. This is– you need to go find him, now!” 

 

“What? But what about you?” 

 

“Never mind me!” Hinata exclaims, pushing him towards the elevator, “go find him and tell him!” 

 

“I-I…” For once, Tooru’s at a loss for words. But then Hinata’s words sink in and suddenly, Tooru’s whole world shifts. _Tobio likes him back_. _Tobio likes him back!_

 

“Thank you, Chibi-chan!” he calls out just before the elevator doors close. 

 

Hinata’s answering beam is as bright as the sun. 

 

**

 

Tobio frowns at his phone and the string of meaningless texts Shouyou has sent him in the past five minutes. 

 

_oMG_

 

_where r u??_

 

_i’m just changing out of my scrubs, what’s wrong?_

 

_DONT MOVE stay there_

 

_this is so BWAH_

 

_u owe me big time!!!!_

 

Tobio’s gotten pretty good at understanding Hinata Shouyou over the years, but even this is beyond him. He pulls on his coat, and wonders if Shouyou’s finally gone mad. If so, he owes Tsukishima 5000 yen and a drink. 

 

“Tobio-chan!” 

 

He looks up, and then blushes. Oikawa is standing at the doorway. 

 

“Oh good, you’re still here,” Oikawa says, before bending down at the waist to catch his breath. “Damn, I haven’t run like that in a long time.” 

 

“Is everything ok?” 

 

“Yes,” Oikawa replies, straightening up. He’s a little flushed from running, and his normally styled hair is messy and out of place. It’s a good look on him, Tobio thinks a little despairingly. “You’re not dating Chibi-chan.” 

 

Now, Tobio frowns. Is the madness contagious? “No, of course not,” he replies slowly, “Shouyou’s been dating Yachi since third year.” 

 

“Yes,” Oikawa breathes, a smile lighting his face, “they just got engaged–“ 

 

“–What?” Tobio pulls out his phone to call Shouyou, but Oikawa’s hand is on his wrist then, fingers resting just over his pulse point, and he looks up, suddenly feeling like he’s the one who’s been running. 

 

“It can wait,” Oikawa says firmly, and then he’s pulling Tobio into a kiss. It’s short, and chaste, but enough for him to realise that Oikawa’s lips are just as soft as he imagined they would be. “I like you, Tobio-chan.” 

 

Oikawa rests his forehead against Tobio’s, and if this is a dream, Tobio doesn’t want to wake up. “I like you a lot. I want to kiss you, and hold your hand, and curl up on the couch with you, and watch movies with you, and go on dates with you, and–“

 

“–Yes,” Tobio says, tears welling up in his eyes. He nods, and Oikawa looks at him like he hung the stars and the moon. “Yes, to all of it.” 

 

This time, when they kiss, Tobio gets to learn that Oikawa’s hair is just as silky as he thought it would be, and that Oikawa is an even better kisser than he thought. 

 

**

 

 “Hey, Manami-san, do you know if Kageyama-sensei is seeing anyone?” 

 

Ryoko looks up from her paperwork, gaze flicking from Kageyama to Yamada, the new trainee nurse, to Oikawa, who’s looking over some charts next to them. He stiffens at the question, and turns narrowed eyes on Yamada, but she doesn’t notice, too busy admiring Kageyama. 

 

“He’s just so dreamy,” Yamada continues blithely, and Ryoko stifles a laugh at the look of sheer loathing on Oikawa’s face, “and he’s so good with the children.” 

 

“ _Yama-chan_ , shouldn’t you be busy doing something else right now?” Oikawa bites out, voice saccharine sweet but eyes glaring daggers. Yamada shifts her gaze over to him, surprised. 

 

“Oh, you’re very attractive too, Oikawa-san!” she says, misunderstanding. This time, Ryoko can’t stifle her laughter. 

 

“Yes, Kageyama-sensei thinks so too,” she finally manages, “that’s why he’s been going out with Oikawa for over a year now.” 

 

Yamada looks aghast. If Ryoko was a better person, she wouldn’t find it so funny, but unfortunately for them both, she isn’t. Yamada stammers out an apology before fleeing, and Ryoko bursts into peals of laughter the moment she’s out of sight. 

 

Oikawa scowls. “You’re not cute _at all_ , Manami-chan.” 

 

Ryoko grins. 

 

“It’s ok, you and Kageyama are cute enough as it is.” 

 

**

 

“Tooru, hurry up,” Tobio calls out, setting out some kibbles for Maru, “we’re going to be late at this rate!” 

 

“You can’t rush perfection,” Tooru yells back, and Tobio rolls his eyes, kneeling down to pet their dog. _Their dog_ , he thinks to himself with a little smile. 

 

“I’m going to leave without you if you’re not ready in the next five minutes!”

 

“I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready,” Tooru calls, finally emerging from their bedroom. Tobio looks up, and promptly forgets his response. Tooru laughs, in that happy carefree way of his, and Tobio feels an answering smile tug at his lips as he stands. “Like what you see?” the other man asks, slowly advancing. Tobio lets Tooru back him into the counter, reaching up to wrap his arms around the other man’s neck. 

 

“Yeah,” he replies, fondly, and Tooru kisses him softly in reward. “We should go, god knows what Tsukishima’s done to Shouyou by now.” 

 

“You gave me five minutes,” Tooru says, pressing another kiss to his lips. Tobio sighs, glances at the clock, and figures, hey, Shouyou knew what his boyfriend was like when he asked Tobio to be his best man.

 

“Yeah, okay,” he murmurs, drawing Tooru in again, “it can wait.” 

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic in years, and my longest to date! i know it's a little rushed towards the end, but i just wanted to get it out there. i might revisit this 'verse later and post more snippets, i just want more fluffy oikage and future bffs. 
> 
> title from middle distance runner by seawolf.
> 
> comments/feedback appreciated! (unbetaed so let me know if you spot any mistakes!)


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